Monday, November 16, 2009

What's Up With the Doc 83? - Searching for Some Energy

That's about it as far as what's up with me this week. Robert and I had a lovely trip to Long Island where the food and conversation were excellent. We lost at bridge but had a great time playing. Mostly, I just feel like someone hooked a shop vac up to me somewhere and sucked every bit of energy out of me. I'm not tired - it's not sleep I need - I just can't even describe what it takes out of me to walk across the room, much less climb a single flight of stairs. I've decided to forego that last chemo treatment on December 1st before the scan scheduled on the 8th because I can't conceive of or bear the thought of this getting any worse.

I know I keep saying this and then putting it off, but I suspect that with scan results in hand, both disability and Hospice will be fully in place before the end of the year. And for the first time throughout this entire process, I'm angry and sad at the same time. I want to feel better than I do. I want to be able to do more with whatever time I have left than sit in my wonderful recliner or lie in bed hoping for strength.

This week I have no cancer-related treatments. Next week I get Zometa only and it's Thanksgiving! Emma gets in Monday and the festivities will begin in earnest. I'll take the following week off and then have the scan on the 8th and we'll see what that shows. Until then, all I can do is take this one day at a time, do what I can do and be gentle with myself.



Catharine said...

Lisa -

My thoughts and best wishes for strength and energy are coming your way.

- Catharine

Kelly said...

Mine too.